Your
Adolescent
Our Last Best
Shot: Guiding Our Children through Early Adolescence |
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RAISING
A RESPONSIBLE ADOLESCENT
by Tania
Cowling
In
order to become productive and happy adults, children need to learn
how to take responsibility for their actions and follow through on
commitments. The home is one of the best places for teaching responsibility
and preparing children for the future. Teaching this trait requires
a conscious and continuous effort from everyone who is involved in
the child¡s life; parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, peers,
coaches and others. Here are some guidelines to help you teach your
children about responsibility and solve problems at home or school.
These facts are aimed at young people between the ages of 10 and 18.
- Gradually
letting go -If you continue to solve your child¡s problems or
make her decisions for her, it makes it more difficult for your child
to become a responsible adult. Instead, start letting go and let your
child take responsibility and solve his/her own problems. This helps
prepare your child for adulthood; living on her own and making decisions.
- Long-term
parenting - The kind of parenting that gets young people to do
what you want in the short term (nagging, bossing, threats and punishment)
doesn't usually teach long-term goals such as responsibility and maturity.
Long-term parenting takes time and may not appear to be working at
first. However, young people gradually develop responsibility and
the ability to think for themselves. Here are some ways to practice
long-term parenting.
- Share
feelings with your children.
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Help
young people learn from mistakes.
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Listen
respectfully.
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Show
an interest in your child¡s input in setting rules and consequences
and solving problems.
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Show
concern with What will my children think about themselves?”
- Joint problem solving - This is
where parents involve their child to brainstorm solutions. This is
a good way to teach responsibility and how to make decisions. Situations
such as household chores, homework, peers, schedules, even fighting
with brothers and sisters. These are the five steps to use.
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Describe
the problem.
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Tell
how you feel about the situation (both parent and child).
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Brainstorm
possible solutions.
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Try
a solution.
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Select
a time to check back to see if the solution is working.
- Follow through - Your child will not
always keep her end of a bargain, especially if peer pressure changes
priorities. Instead of lecturing, use one word agreement.”
Some parents don¡t use words at all; a look, a smile, a raised eyebrow,
or pointing to a dropped object on the floor or to an unread book
is enough. Retain dignity and respect for yourself by following
through, instead of giving up and letting your child do whatever
she wants. At the same time, be respectful of the your child, knowing
that she will often resist. In some situations it may help to write
down the agreement not as a threat but as a record. Schedule a meeting
where you and your child can re-evaluate the situation.
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